Sex Therapist Gives 5 Tips On Mindful Sex

1. Treasure

Remember dating your partner? You chose sexy underwear in the hopes you’d make love tonight. You experimented with seduction and sexual techniques. You treasured your beloved. In other words, you made an effort. But now, many years later, sexuality may have become a neglected part of your relationship. If so, mindful sex can reconnect and heal. Whatever the past, begin again, right where you are. Treasure your beloved anew, honoring their mind, their heart, and their body. See them through fresh eyes, and trace their skin with today’s fingertips, here and now, for the very first time.

2. Tantalize

Start by recreating the delicious anticipation you used to feel about connecting sexually with your partner. Create an event. Prepare to tantalize each of your lover’s senses—perhaps lighting candles, playing music, and laying out warm scented massage oils, chocolate and berries and bubbles, and a scarf for blindfolding. Forethought is foreplay, so be mindful. Carefully plan for passion, and then let go into the present moment.

3. Tune In

Begin by facing each other and gazing deeply into each others’ eyes. And yes, start with clothes on. It’s most powerful to focus on one eye; this keeps you intimately exposed (some people look back and forth between the two eyes to reduce the intensity but that’s cheating). Next, synchronize your breathing – breathe in together, exhale together. Then try breath exchange – you inhale when they exhale, you exhale when they inhale, as though you are breathing each other in and out. Feel the distractions settle, and the worries melt away. Really look, really see, and allow yourself to be seen.

4. Tease

Begin slowly, mindfully, undressing each other. Take turns. Slowly, ever so slowly, tease and arouse your lover’s whole body, eventually caressing their most sensitive parts. Invite them to sigh or moan, surrendering me into we, blending your touch with their sounds, no distinction, just this sensation. Bring them to the edge of orgasm, then back. Repeat. Reverse roles. Give, receive, exchange, and explore. See if you can drive each other wild with anticipation and then drop that tendency to reach for what comes next. Stop. Breathe. Relax into the direct experience.

5. Transform

With mindful sex, excitement and pleasure are just the beginning. The focus is on slowing down, staying in the moment, and allowing profound sexual and emotional merging. Instead of swooning away from your partner and into your own orgasm, you cultivate and sustain the sexual ecstasy. You then share the energy of your orgasm. To practice this, stay connected with your lover’s eyes and breath as you make love and approach orgasm. Just before the peak, focus on the impending waves of pleasure. As the orgasm waves begin to move through your lower body, stay present. Allow everything else to fall away except for your eye contact, your breathing, and your beating hearts.