Face Your Fears
You know, I face fear every day. Every time I post a piece of writing, a piece of my soul, I feel the reverberation of creation. As I create, I feel the urge to destroy. Not good enough. Not fresh enough. Not true enough. You will tell me when my words are stale? Darling? You will tell me when my message has become stale and garbled?
Dear reader, will you do this for me? Slap me with the kiss of truth?
I feel I have been too hasty lately in my writing. I feel my communication can be better. I want to talk to you today about meditation and fragmentation. One foot ahead of the other. In meditation, along with the development of discernment within, I began to embrace fragmentation.
The more I saw my own process, the more I saw fragmentation. I noticed how chaotic and murky my inner landscape truly was. The practice of awareness and non-judgment, however, led to an internal alchemy, a process of transformation.
Starting around the third year of my practice, every time I sat down in meditation I could sense something subtle and grand was going on. I focused on the ordinary and held onto nothing. Stay honest. Stay diligent. Stay curious and playful. The focus is on the process, not the product.
You pay attention, but at the same time you are relaxing into it. You are learning to push and pull at the same time. Harmonizing opposing forces within is part of the practice.
For me, it felt like there was intense processing of energy all the time. Pay attention. Notice the manner in which your thoughts manifest. Pay attention. Play with the idea that there is more to know about yourself. How vast is consciousness? Pay attention. Pay attention. Noticing how the brain fires in reaction mode versus response mode.
Pay attention. Pay attention. You are a very fragmented young mind. The very least you can do is pay attention. Using my personal vices as an example—if you desire to be reckless and unwise, then own it and make it sacred. Honest. Truthful. Find truth in mistakes. Find truth in unruliness. Find truth in fragmentation. From fragmentation, to compartmentalization, to integration. Meditation is the catalyst for transformation within.
Simple breathing. Simple focus. Simple concentration. Simple experiencing. Make the simple sacred and the miraculous follows naturally. As you progress on the meditative path, you may find that you start to feel more spacious within your own skin. The pathways that your five senses fire upon become more clear and resolute.
Exciting times, my friends! Glory awaits you. A sense of smoothness develops as the meditative cloth sandpapers away untruths. To repeat my past self: With a new level of comfort comes a new level of friction.
With the expansion of awareness comes the increase of both light and darkness. Learning to stay balanced as power and intensity increases is one of the many fun challenges on the inward path. Only you can feel it. Only you can experience it. Only you can be the true master.